Every year around Halloween this issue of “slutty” costumes comes up. I hear a lot of complaints about how girls will wear next to nothing on Halloween, and how stores will turn literally anything into a “slutty” costume, for example:
I get really bothered about all of this “slut” discourse and honestly, I wish we could all eliminate the word “slut” from our collective vocabulary (along with the words “whore,” “loose,” and “easy”).
First of all, let’s talk about what it is exactly defines a slut. Seriously, tell me. What defines a slut? Is it someone who sleeps with two people in one week? Three? Seven? What’s the cut-off point?
If you google it, you get some pretty bleak results:
But even Google can’t tell me that exact number (also the issue of likening a prostitute to a slut is VERY problematic, but that’s a whole other blog post, friends). So what really seems to define a slut is a woman whose sexuality makes you uncomfortable, which then requires you to slap a loaded label on her.
And not to be the girl who cried misogyny (stole that phrase from Lena Dunham during her interview with Jian Ghomeshi, wuddup!) but there is no male equivalent for the word “slut.” I’ve never heard someone call a dude a whore, slut, or easy. We’ve heard this argument time and time again (and yet nothing ever changes), but if a girl is with “a lot” of people (again with the problematic wording!) then she is a slut, but if a dude is with “a lot” of people, then he’s a player. No negative connotation.
AND FINALLY, WHO CARES WHO YOU SLEEP WITH OR DO ANYTHING WITH? Hey guys, remember that time that Trudeau was like, “There’s no place for the state in the bedrooms of the nation” and we were all like, “oh, okay, yeah, that is an EXCELLENT point” — why can we not apply that to our every day lives? Like, actually, guys, who cares? Why do you care how many people someone has or has not slept with? Why are you applying your judgement and ‘morals’ to sexual behaviour that has nothing to do with you?
Personally, I think that if you are not hurting yourself or anyone else, you may go right ahead and do whatever you want. If you want to wear a giraffe costume, go for it. If you want to put up your Christmas tree in July, go for it. If you want to wear socks and sandals — I mean, egh, I wouldn’t recommend it, dude, but whatever. It’s your life. Those are your feet. That’s your comfort. Go for it. So if you want to put on a short skirt and kitten ears and call yourself a cat on Halloween, WHATEVER. GO FOR IT. I LITERALLY DO NOT CARE. I get to continue living and breathing and existing in this fantastic world and I am not affected one tiny bit by your Halloween costume!
And I think this should extend to our actions and opinions around sex, too. Sex and human bodies are used to sell almost everything, and yet we live in a society that teaches us to be super ashamed of anything that has to do with our own human bodies and sex (I used to have a roommate who was absolutely mortified every single time she had to buy tampons). Here’s the deal, though. I think if you want to go around and explore people’s bodies, that’s cool — just remember to not hurt yourself or hurt others, so just make sure you’re safe and make sure everyone’s on board. Meaning, like, don’t tell someone you’d like to be in a relationship with them if you only want to sleep with them once and then peace out. BUT, if you’re like, “hey, I’d just like to have fun,” and if they’re cool with it too, then go for it. Who cares. If you have safe sex with one person, or eight, or nine thousand, guess what I get to do? I get to continue living and breathing and existing in this fantastic world — KIND OF LIKE WHEN YOU PUT ON A “SLUTTY” HALLOWEEN COSTUME.
We need to stop moralizing sex. If you want to be in a monogamous relationship and if you don’t want to engage in pre-marital sex, cool! No problem! Do that, find someone who wants that as well, and hooray! Everyone is happy! If you want to go to sex clubs and be in polyamoric relationships, awesome! Do that instead!
Basically, guys, in the words of my beloved Jay-Z, what you eat don’t make me shit.
We need to stop judging each other for what we wear and who we sleep with. I think we should all judge each other by how we treat others instead, and how we react in different situations. Whether or not we apologize when we’ve messed up. Whether or not we’re compassionate. Whether or not we’re inclusive. That is the judge of a good, moral person. I don’t give a shit whether you ate a turkey sandwich for lunch or if you wore a sexy school girl costume or if you had a threesome last night — literally none of those things define you as a “good” or “bad” person. But whether or not you got up off your seat when an older gentleman or pregnant lady got on the subway? Whether or not you were polite to your waiter? That, I think, is what makes you a good or bad person, you guys.
I feel like this was a bit of a rant-y post, and so, here is a picture of me in a duck costume (featuring my brother in a dragon costume as my co-star). You’re welcome.
Be nice and respectful to each other, guys. Happy Halloween.